When I was a teenager and people asked me what I wanted to be someday, I’d jokingly say “An expert.”

When they asked me what I meant, I’d say “You know, those guys on CNN who they beam in via satellite. The ones you only see from the waist up, in front of some fake backdrop of a city?  Those guys who, somehow, just happen to know everything there is to know about whatever random topic just happens to hit the news that day?

"Man, where do they find these people? Do they just sit around, knowing their one little subject and nothing else, hoping that someone would call and ask their opinion?”

Oh … wait: