Before School

Me: Kids, you need to leave for school!

[Carlo comes downstairs. Anna doesn’t. I yell for Anna multiple times. She finally hears me and comes downstairs.]

Carlo: Anna is such a noob.

Me: She’s not a noob, you’re a noob.

Carlo: YOU’RE a noob.

Me: You’re the President of Noobistan.

Carlo: If you were in the Noob Olympics you’d win the Gold medal in Noobing.

Me: When are you going to Norway?

Carlo [thinks; comes up empty]: Why would I go to Norway?

Me: To accept the Nobel Prize for Noobery.

Anna: More like the NOOBel Prize. 

Craig Calcaterra

Craig is the author of the daily baseball (and other things) newsletter, Cup of Coffee. He writes about other things at He lives in New Albany, Ohio with his wife, two kids, and many cats.

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