Carlo [dejectedly getting ready to go out to the bus stop]: I hate that they didn’t cancel school today. Two hour delays are so stupid. We should just be able to stay home.
Me: Yes, your life is really hard.
Carlo [sensing my sarcasm]: IT IS!
Me: There are kids in the world who don’t have clean water. Or enough food to eat. Or medicine. Your problems are pretty small.
[Carlo does not respond to this. I decide to take a different, more absurd tack which flows nicely with one of Carlo’s preoccupations in life: noobs]
Me: You know, there are some kids who don’t even realize they are noobs. We all know you’re a noob, but kids, like in Africa, are walking around not even knowing that they’re total noobs.
Carlo [not believing that we have to go over this again]: I’m NOT a noob.
Me: You’re a total noob. You probably get pwned ten times a day.
Carlo: YOU’RE a noob.
Me: I am so not a noob. [fake laughter, totally dismissing the thought as ridiculous]
Carlo: Total noob. In the dictionary, under “noob” it has a picture of you.
Me: I pwn noobs.
Carlo: You do not pwn noobs, noob.
Me: It’s, what, 10:20? I’ve pwned, like, ten noobs already today.
Carlo: Where do you pwn noobs?
Me: On the Internet. I’ve been pwning noobs on the Internet since before you were born.
Me: As soon as you get on the bus, I’m gonna go back and pwn more noobs.
Carlo [rolling eyes]: Uh-huh. I’m going out to the bus stop now.
Me: Love you, noob!