Hello welcome my office, offis of me, Dr. Elly Cat Doctor PhD. Plis  sit down. It safe to sits. Im did not pee on that chair I think. 

Anyway Im cannot respond to all u question indivjully today because, Human Secrertary Rave Sashoybed lose many MANY mesggs in Imbox. But I invite u to my ofis here becaus I know yu having hard tiym right now. 

It hard to be a person. i hear u say: “How u know Dr. Elly??? U have brain size of cashew nut and no self-awaresness. Yu do litteraly nothing all day, just poops, and eats, and leave a hairs in the bathtub, and scrabble across wood floor yelling.” 

This tru. But I have, Advans Philsospophpy Degree from prestigiuus Cat University where Im learn many things abt Life. To be person is hard. Is ok to feel discurage, lonely, sad, angers. Ok to mess up. OK to be disappoint. This is just Being Person. 

It will not always be bad, but will be not be easy. It will not always be good. But will be okay. 

Yu have been a brave hairless giant today, just by bein alive, with yu giant angry brain that talk and have feelings ALL THE TIME. For a therapy, u can lie down on offis flor and I will sit next 2 ur ribs and vibrate gentlys. Im very warms and softs and I am proud of u.

I have been to a few therapists. None as good as this. 

Craig Calcaterra

Craig is the national baseball writer for He writes about things other than sports at He lives in New Albany, Ohio with his wife, two kids, and many cats.

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