Dad is Awesome Elementary School

[kids get off the bus this afternoon and continue a conversation in progress as they walk in the door]

Anna: “Eagle’s Nest” is dumb.

Carlo: it’s better than any idea you have.

Me: What’s all this about?

Carlo: They’re having a contest to give a nickname for the new school building. My suggestion is “The Eagle’s Nest.”

Anna: And it’s dumb!

Me: So what’s your great idea?

Carlo: She doesn’t have one. She’s just saying everyone else’s ideas are dumb.

Me: That’s not nice, Anna. Especially if you don’t have a better idea.

Anna: Whatever. All the ideas are dumb.

Me: You should call it “Dad is Awesome Elementary School.” [strikes a triumphant pose]


Me: “The Craig Calcaterra is Awesome and His Kids Are Lame Elementary School.” [I start dancing; mostly The Running Man]

Anna and Carlo: AAAAAAAARGH!

Me: DAD IS AWESOME ELEMENTARY!!! [now doing The Cabbage Patch]

Anna: Oh. My. God.

Me: [still cabbage patching]

[Anna and Carlo run to their rooms and close their doors]

Me: [sits down, giggling to myself, knowing that the highlight of my day has come and gone]

People love babies. People look forward to their kids going off to college. Personally, there is no better age than the one where you can embarrass your kids and they can’t do a thing about it. These are truly the Golden Years.

Craig Calcaterra

Craig is the author of the daily baseball (and other things) newsletter, Cup of Coffee. He writes about other things at He lives in New Albany, Ohio with his wife, two kids, and many cats.

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