Bow ties

I was gifted Kentucky Derby tickets at the last minute. This meant I had to do some desperate last minute shopping for Kentucky Derby-appropriate clothes. Which, hey, no problem. I can buy clothes like a pro when I need to.  What I can’t do? Tie a bow tie. Literally never wore one in my life. At least one you tie yourself. The ones I wore to proms and my wedding were the ones you just latch in the back. God, I was foolish when I was young.

So, to the Internet! I watched several how-to-tie-your-bow tie videos but decided this one was the best. After all, if you’re gonna learn to tie a bow tie, having an old southern dude tell you how to do it – and to spend almost as much time in the video telling you what not to do, you jackass, than what to do – is the only way to go.  Now, the results: 

The tie in question:

Around the neck:

Cinch it up:

Then, form the first part of the bow:

Bring the long end back over the middle:

Annnnnndddd . . ,

Deal with it.

Got it perfect – or at least pretty close to perfect – on the first damn try. I mean, really, sometimes I’m so cool I amaze even myself.

Craig Calcaterra

Craig is the author of the daily baseball (and other things) newsletter, Cup of Coffee. He writes about other things at He lives in New Albany, Ohio with his wife, two kids, and many cats.

Leave a Reply